Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
