i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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