i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
