he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
