Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
