I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
