He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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