Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
