Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
