I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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