So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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