miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
