So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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