im drinking this country out of the recession.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
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