I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
