similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
