It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
