What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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