i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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