Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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