you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
