this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
