im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
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I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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