I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
