I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I will be naked everywhere
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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