yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
