Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
