We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize