return my video game
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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