I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
