Do you still have your period?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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