True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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