Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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