I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
