Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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