Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
