I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
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I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
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When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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