it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
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You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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