no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
