My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I met the friendliest cop last night
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
