You don't have asthma, your pregnant
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
