i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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