The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
