oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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