for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
