my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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