She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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