i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Found the puke drawer
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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