Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
