I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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