It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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