update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize