My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
