i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Randomize
