he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
