i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
