the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
