I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
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Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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