Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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