Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
