I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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