its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
