I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
