8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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