Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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