im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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