I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
