Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
