She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
