Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
