we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
