Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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