Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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