Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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