I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
