I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize