I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
