M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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