She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
