No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
