I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
